I’m a warrior. I carry my sword with pride. My armor glints in the light of the moon and my hair flows out behind me in a gust of superficial wind.
My horse whinnies its prerecorded whinny.
Captain rides in front. “Men! We gather today to fight!”
Stupid line. But who cares, I didn’t write it.
We brandish swords and charge. Enemies fall in perfect time to my swing. Parry, thrust, kill. We’ve gotten good at this.
Now the battle’s over. I have one single cut. My hair is perfectly styled.
Battle cannot hurt me.
They’d lose too many fans.
--- You should have seen my Mom’s face when she came home from the Christmas party. The kitchen counter was completely cleared off, every...
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