When you give Bekah a plunger...

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You should have seen my Mom’s face when she came home from the Christmas party.  The kitchen counter was completely cleared off, everything was scrubbed, dishes were in the washer. But then she noticed that the whole place smelled like bleach and there were containers of water everywhere and I wasn’t wearing any pants.

They left me home alone last night.

And I was in a helpful mood.

One of my family members has an affinity for clogging the toilet.  It’s like a tradition.  And when I went upstairs, lo and behold, it was clogged again.

“I’ll fix it,” I thought.  “I’ll unclog it.”

I’ve unclogged it a dozen times before.
No big deal.

I plunged a couple times but it is a pretty stubborn toilet.  All I had for my efforts was some shredded toilet paper.

“I’ll add some more water,” I thought.  “That usually works”

So I flushed the flusher to get a little extra water in the bowl…

And that’s when everything went wrong.

The water filled the bowl.  Then it overflowed the bowl.  Then it flooded the entire bathroom floor. No exaggeration.  It was just pouring out like a fountain.  And nothing I could do would make it stop. I threw everything out of the bathroom, dialed my dad, sloshed around in the giant toilet papery puddle.
I got his answering machine.

Half inch of water covered the floor.

“I’m gonna flood the entire house,” I thought.  “I’m gonna flood it with poop water.”

Then I remembered to pull off the toilet top.  Yanking the pump finally made it stop.

But there was SO MUCH WATER.

And that wasn’t even the worst of it.  I ran downstairs to find water gushing out of the ceiling like sprinklers.

Panic.  I imagined the ceiling coming down, flooding everywhere, homelessness.

I cried.

I tried calling my dad again.  Cried some more.  Looked for some buckets.  Couldn’t find any. Called my dad again.  Threw towels all over the bathroom floor. Called my mom, my sister, my neighbor. Still no answers.  I cried some more.

According my phone records, I made over 30 calls.

Granted my whole family was just in the house next door, but I wasn’t wearing any pants.

So clearly, I was meant to deal with this alone.

I threw paper towels everywhere.  Sprayed scrubby bubbles like confetti .  Dried the water off of Mom’s circulars, my pill bottles, Christan’s project, Erin’s snack. And then I scrubbed like I haven’t scrubbed in forever.

Adrenaline, people.  It makes people do amazing things.

And that’s when my mom came home.

But at least I unclogged the toilet.
You can pee in there again.

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It Was Like a Candle

It was like a candle.  One tiny light lost in a shadow of black forever long.  Slowly, slowly, flickering away.
Perhaps it was a star. One of those reddish ones just ready to die.
Or maybe it was the expulsion of the ship as it left us behind.
But no matter what else it was, it was hope.  And hope has left us.
Left me.
To die.

I never would have dreamed of leaving in one of those shells.  Especially not after the last dozen of them have been blown to shreds by the blockade.  But now it is a choice between a long death and a quick one.  At least there used to be a choice, until now.  Because the last ship’s left.
They’re singing the dirge in the street.  They’re leaving the city.  They’re trying to find a decent place die.
But the sky has turned to dust and it falls to the ground and sinks into our lungs.  They won’t get far.
And don’t they know this whole planet is the same city.  All the way around.
Where is there to go?

The sun has gone cold.  The stars are blinking out one by one. The blockade is getting closer, circling around us. Tighter.
Tighter.
Soon they’ll ink the sky.  Turn what little air is left into darkness.  Tangible darkness. To suffocate the life and the ground and the engines.
I long for the light already.

Sky and earth and me. Dark.
They’ve landed here now.  With their shaded masks and red, red hands. Why do they hide their faces?
I have a number on my head.  They gave me one. This number.  I didn’t have a choice.
001201
Twelve oh one.
Huddled in a room full of filth and stink and fear.  I’m chained.  And I’m trembling.  Shivering. Dying.
I can’t breathe this air they’ve made.
Coughing only makes it worse.  But my lungs, they’re so heavy.  Like the whole world sits inside my chest.

Maybe I’m dreaming.  Or maybe I’m dead.
Breath in.  And out.
Eyes flutter for a moment.  And open.
There.  In the distance.  I see a gleam.
Like a reflection of a reflection of a distant star.
But there are no stars.  Not here.  Not now.
Is it real?
I move to touch it.  Nothing holds me back.  The chains they’re gone.  And this room is empty too.
Like the pressure’s been released, I run.
I run.
Forever.
And never any closer.
The star, my starlight, keeps dancing out of reach.
“I’ll find you.”
And I stop.
“I’ll find you.”
Words.  Like and echo in my head.
“I’ll find you.”
Bouncing between my ears.  Sinking to my throat.
“Find me.” I whisper.

I feel it.  Knives in my arms, on my chest. Cutting.  Cutting deep.
But there’s nothing here in front of me.  Just the star that I can never catch.  I must have run for days.
I close my eyes.  Blackness overwhelms me.
Spinning.  I’m spinning like a top.
And I fall.
Falling down a thousand miles and nothing there to catch me.
Screams catch in my throat.
Pain rips through my chest and I jump.

Awake.
Alive.
And tied to a table.
Still darkness.  And still that little light.
But now it’s above me.  Strapped to the head of one of them.  One of them with the red, red hands.
And his eyes are green and golden flecked.  And they’re looking down at my chest.
I look down too.
And if I could breathe, I’d gasp. But I can’t, because there’s nothing there.
Three pairs of red, red hands are taking me apart.

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Crimson Red

To the ends of the earth

Till the last man is dead

Till our heroes are buried

And our skies crimson red

We will raise our last flag

We will fight one more day

We’ll endure every fire

Till we’re lost in the grey

Alone you have wandered

Lost in the gale

Fought through each battle

Though you knew you were frail

You’ve now come to save us

But the cost is high

Taken the last boat

Where the river is dry

I’ll sing you to sleep now

Lay down your gun

sleep now my hero

Your struggle is done

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The Last Lullaby

There’s a crackle in my ear and radio silence is broken.

I hear them, the voices of the last remaining children.

And they’re singing a lullaby.

For me.

Haunting. Desperate. They’re praying for salvation.  Singing me to sleep.

They think I’m saving them,

that when the ash settles they’ll be safe.

Lies.

I feel the trigger beneath my thumb.

Even if there’s no promised land, I’ll blow this place tonight.

Sunsets, green fields,

moths in the evening breeze,

the smile on my brother’s face,

they’re nothing but memories.

And it’s finally time to forget.

It’s better this way.

It’s over.

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Promised Land

Here in the darkness under an enemy roof

I close my eyes and shudder

I’ve seen the truth exposed.

Didn’t they promise a haven? Refuge beyond the perimeter?

Isn’t that why I came here, with this ticking weight strapped to my chest?

But where is the sun?

the green grass?

this land of milk and honey?

I see through slatted windows a wasteland stretching on and on forever.

Clear skies and birdsong vanish in the dust.

It’s the death of the sun.

Their last deception.

No more false assumptions

I do this, I die, and it ends.

Just like that.

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I Don't Understand

Here in the darkness under an enemy roof

With death strapped to my chest beneath this uniform

Surrounded by a hundred perfect copies of me

Same green eyes, same radiation suit

Same kind of man with a past just like mine.

What turned you into murderers?

Was it when you were stolen from the fire?

or back when the sky first burned and the law burned with it?

or when they melted you and turned you into captives?

Is that why you hunt us?

Or is it for the very same reason that I’ve come here to kill you tonight.

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Fool's Errand

I’m dressed in my enemy’s uniform. Trying not to think about how long it took to peel the dead man’s flesh from this radiation suit. Or about how green will be the last I ever see.

Am I a fool?

Absolutely.

But this whole life has been a fool’s game without ever an end in sight.

Until now.

And damn if I don’t do my all to keep it.

But there’s one thing I can’t get out of my head, something digging deeper.

Just one bomb. One sacrificed life. Then everyone’s  free.

It all just seems a little too…

simple.

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One of Us

Fifty grey soldiers.  Our general in front.  Hundreds of others listening over radio.

“It’s true. We’ve found it.  A place without the faceless. ”

Applause.

 “But eighty men died getting there.  Twice as many will die if we try again. The enemy units must be annihilated… there’s only one way to this effectively.”

Murmurings.

“One of us won’t be coming back.”

Silence.

But someone has to go.

My brother’s dead. I killed him.

My friends have burned.   I watched them.

What’s left for me?

I step forward.

Lift my hand.

Am I certain?

Am I sure?

“I’ll go,” I whisper.

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Somewhere in the Grey

I’m breathing hard, eyes closed, waiting for the bullet.

My gun still hovers beside my comrade’s head.

And a busload of soldiers, with curses and disbelieving shouts are drowning each other out.

I don’t listen.

But suddenly, a crackle and a voice that’s different:

“Command, this is Delta106, we have affirmative on objective. We’ve breached the perimeter.”

We’re frozen. Staring at the radio.

Because there’s some forgotten sound behind his voice.  Like music.

It’s birdsong.

Is this real?

I drop my gun.

Maybe there is sunlight on our horizon.

Somewhere beyond this ash is the place where life still lives.

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Luckless

This scorching heat never ends.

Blisters on our skin.

Rashes on our faces.

We’re riding in some roofless bus.

Bouncing over a world of char.

It’s dead. Never to live again.

My platoon burned. Turned to ash before my eyes.

My brother. I couldn’t save him.

I failed.

So why am I still here?

No reason really.

Some luckless fate.

I grab a pistol. Point it at the medic’s head.

And in an instant, all the guns are trained on me

That’s right.

Let’s end this.

Shoot me friends.

Why tarry? Why carry on?

For me this world is

cold.

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Don't Touch Me

Bullets cascade around me, explosions echo, dirt flies into my face

But I’ve got him, my brother

My arms are clinging tight

I see beyond his bloody face, soldiers in grey camo

running toward me, shooting faceless as they come

But then their hands are on my back, pulling me away. “He’s already dead, soldier, let’s go!”

But I’m screaming, thrashing, “Don’t touch me!”

“It’s okay, I’ve got you, buddy,” one shouts into my ear.

They pry me away.

I’m weeping. Like a baby.

“Let me go!”
They hold tight.

But my brother, don’t fear.

I swear we'll meet again

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Good Bye

“I’m sorry,” I whisper as I kneel beside his body.

My hands are sticky wet as I tear the radiation suit. Searching for his wound.

But his back arches. Mouth screams.

He’s been melted. Flesh joined to shimmery fabric.

He’s been butchered. Face swollen, mutated, blistered.

I can hardly bear to look.

“I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s better this way. It’s over.”

But I’m choking as I watch him.

Eyes flutter closed.

Chest ceases moving.

Please, it can’t end like this.

I’ve got you brother

I’ve found you now

and I’ll hold you forever till they come to take me too.

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I Found You

I’m running. Running hard.

Every moment I expect a bullet in my back

I need a weapon

I need water

Every breath is a cloud of ash inside my mouth.

There’s a body on the ground

large green eyes flickering out

He has a weapon. I take it

Keep running.

Now another, a faceless runs toward me.

I lift the gun, I’ll kill him here and now.

The bullet flies, it strikes, he falls.

But as I pass I see his mask is off

His face is scared, and some of it’s gone.

But I’d know it anywhere.

My brother.

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The Last Bullet

Bullets spew like locusts.

I duck to reload.

Dead slump down behind me.

I shoot everything I’ve got, save one last bullet meant for me.

“God save us.”

Silence falls.

It’s time.

I put the gun against my head.

But screams of desperation come shrieking through the dark.

Who’s their victim this time?

My friend, my comrade, the last of my platoon.

They’ve doused him, he’s soaking, and the torch is coming closer.

He struggles, but he’s tied.

I cannot watch him burn.

So I do the best thing I can think of

I put my bullet through his head

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Lost

Hold up the compass and watch it spin

East to West and back again

Tell them once more that we can’t win

We’re lost, oh foolish children of men

Tonight we huddle underground

Hiding ourselves in this self dug grave

Hoping and praying we won’t be found

But we will, it takes my all to keep us brave

Only a dozen of them have survived

Two soldiers cannot save them all

And now the faceless have arrived

To burn the ground and make us fall

And in my stomach is this burning dread  

For tomorrow shall likely find me dead

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