It was a cool summer evening. I was watching the butterflies. Or perhaps they were moths. I could hear the peepers calling through the night.
But then the sky turned orange, like a sugary sorbet. All our eyes looked up. Its ghastly glow cast shadows across our faces.
“Fireworks!” Someone was clapping.
But the light did not fade; it burned through the sky, eating our air. And then it fell. Fell on the city. Engulfed it in flames. We watched with terror as the skyline melted to the ground.
Eyes wide.
Mouths open.
Utter silence.
The ash began to fall.
---
Ashes
Ashes.
Ashes.
Snowing ashes.
Breathing ashes.
Sucking them in and choking them out.
Gagging, gasping, suffocating.
They’ve become the road I walk, the food I eat, the water I drink.
They’ve become the clothes I wear, the tears in my eyes, the blood in my veins.
These ashes that burn my throat and coat my lungs.
I’m blind. I’m drowning. I’m longing for the sunlight.
But all there is more grey, more endless cloud, more choking for every step I take.
I taste the bitter taste of the ashes.
All that remains of the people who burned in the city.
---
Hide
Ready or not, they’re coming.
Burrowing for our remains.
Hide now, be hidden. Invisible.
Don’t move don’t tremble don’t breathe – or they find you.
Be still be silent be ready – they’re coming.
With eyes that see green and boxes that see red - they’ll find you.
It’s certain.
They’re coming.
And when they’ve burned away your hiding place – they’ll take you.
When there’s nothing left but rubble and ash – they’ll kill you.
When the skies turn orange again and the stars go out – you’ll be dead.
Lost.
They’re coming.
But I’ll find you first, brother.
I’ll find you.
I will.
---
The Outskirts of Town
This is the place where they’re piled.
Bodies shriveled and scorched.
Missing fingers, eyes, and faces.
This is the place where they kill them.
Line them up and burn them.
Melting skin right off the bone.
This is the place where they’ve lead me.
Following my brother.
His capturers soon will torch him.
This is the place where I find him.
He’s chained down to a post.
He’s bleeding from his mouth.
He screams now as I touch him
His arm’s already burned.
Too loud. They’ve heard.
His chains won’t come undone.
They’re coming.
They’re coming to burn us both.
---
I Tried
Faceless. Two green discs where eyes should be.
Shapeless. Black radiation suits shimmering in the firelight.
Heartless. Torching prisoners till they’re ash.
I’m pinned to the ground. Hot dirt scalding my cheek.
Human charcoal in my ear.
They’ve got my brother.
They press a blowtorch against his head.
My captor holds me tighter, forcing me to watch.
Then a hundred voices scream. Blue against the fire.
Bullets rain. My captor’s eyes go black.
And I’m running for my brother.
Bullets hiss around me. They know not who to strike.
Searing red
Knees buckle.
I’ve caught some metal in my chest.
---
Hands of Blue
I force my eyes open. Why so heavy?
Blue lights pointing down. Why so bright?
My face is tight. A mask strapped across my mouth, foggy with breath.
Further down, blue hands move. Blurry with speed
I blink. Then I feel it
The knife beneath my ribs
Then a hundred knives arching across my back.
a thousand needles rammed into my bones
a million voices screaming through my ears.
Try to scream. Can’t
Try to move. Restrained.
Four blue hands pin me down.
One blue hand drives a needle into my arm.
gasp. choke.
see spots.
blink.
black.
blink.
nothing.
---
The Only
There's a child poking my face.
For tomorrow shall likely find me dead
I put my bullet through his head
I swear we'll meet again
Somewhere beyond this ash is the place where life still lives.
I wake up screaming. Alarms are going off.
I’m shivering, nearly naked, on a steel table.
Needles protrude from my arms. I pluck them out.
But when I try to sit, I scream again.
Pain rips through my chest beneath a bloody bandage. I can hardly breathe.
Two men in ash colored camo rush in.
They shut off machines, reinsert needles.
I try to fight them back, but pain still echoes through me.
I gasp like I am drowning.
I can hardly form the words.
“Where’s my brother?”
They look at each other.
---
I'm In
“How’s the pain?”
Fine.
“You’re lucky you survived.”
But my brother, he didn’t.
“What do you think? Will you join us?”
All eyes turn to me.
A dozen pairs or so, waiting for an answer
I’m all too ready to give.
“Yes”
If only just to kill those faceless murderers.
I’ve joined the battle brigade.
We ship out today. Way past time for second thoughts.
I’m a soldier now, being sent out to kill.
But who am I kidding?
I’m just a boy from a lost town watching moths dance in the summer breeze.
I’m not ready for this hell.
---
Sixteen Soldiers
Sixteen soldiers
Spread out on a hill
Looking for survivors
Where the dead are burning still
Sixteen soldiers
Going street by street
Searching for the living
In the place where dead men meet
Sixteen soldiers
Sifting through remains
Seeking someone, anyone
With blood still in their veins
Sixteen soldiers
Standing in a row
Staring at an orange sky
It ends today, we know
Black suits, green eyes
Guns up, faces down
Three big flashes
Bullets through the town
One falls, two fall
The ground is in the air
Ashes ashes, we all fall down
Thirteen soldiers
Left to carry on
---
Three
I count my strides as we run.
Almost there.
So close.
“Get down!”
I turn. The blast hits me like a wall.
Ash and dirt and someone’s blood. I wipe it off my face.
Ten.
A second explosion. We’re even less prepared.
Eight.
We scramble for cover, crouch in the ruins.
“Where are they?”
No one knows.
Then the clouds lets loose. Metal ricochets, finds a target.
Seven
Six
Five
A shard bites into my shoulder. I fight the welling scream.
No noise, no sound.
Lungs hardly moving.
Wait.
Maybe they can’t see…
Another blast,
another spray of blood.
Three.
---
Losing Language
“God help us all.”
These words I whisper whenever my throat isn’t full of ash.
Tonight I whisper it twice.
Because tonight we lost another.
My comrade, my friend.
They caught him,
soaked his camo in gasoline,
and dropped a match beneath his feet.
His bloody screams keep ringing through my head.
I watched him burn away.
I choked on the ash. Vomited. Choked again.
Out of hope and out of faith.
running out of words to say
running out of the desire to speak them
I tell them over the radio with halting words like toddler speech.
It’s over.
---
Ready to Die
Out of water
Out of food
No survivors
And no rescue
The two of us, we’re the last of our team. I don’t know who fell first, but we’re both on the ground. Panting. Looking up at a broken sky with ash swimming around like dying fishes. It must be August, the heat is scorching.
I can feel my throat closing.
So thirsty.
My breathing slows. My eyes close.
Ready to die.
I don’t ever want to wake up.
But something presses into my cheek.
And doesn’t stop.
I open my eyes. Blink twice.
There's a child poking my face.
---
Survivors
They’re haggard, dirty, ragged. But they’re alive.
This place is made of scraps, whatever they could salvage.
But they’re alive.
They lay us on the floor.
Wash ash and crusted blood from my skin. Drip water into my mouth till my tongue is loosened and my throat is clear.
The little girl comes, touches my face again.
“You’re here to save us from the aliens, right?” she whispers.
“They’re humans.” I whisper back.
“They have green eyes.”
“It’s night vision.”
“But you’re going to stop them?”
And what do I say? How can I tell her?
We’re never gonna win.
---
We, the Faceless
Forty five black radiation suits filling up a table.
Eating the same brothy slush that hardly fills our stomachs.
But soldier, don’t question.
Don’t look up. Or left or right.
Just down. At the slush.
Shovel it into your mouth. Force it down your throat.
Don’t think about the people, about the children, you’ll execute tomorrow.
Don’t think about their screams.
Just eat.
Because you’re one. One in forty five, in a hundred, in a thousand.
You’re lucky to be alive.
The alarms go off.
We all stand.
Pull on our masks.
And just like that the world goes green.
---
Mask
they tell us that the mask is to help us breathe
to block out the ash
to protect our faces from the radiation
but I wonder
if maybe it’s so we can’t see the fear on each other’s faces
if maybe it’s so we don’t know which of our comrades torched the screaming family
if maybe it’s so we’ll forget that once we had our own faces
I wonder
do they know that I remember?
that behind this mask I’m dreaming of the day they will incinerate
in these same flames that stole me and left my brother to die
---
Searching
I look the computer message over once as I pull on my gear
Survivors: unknown
Enemy Forces: 2
We file out of the bunker. It’s the middle of the night.
No stars. No moon. No dark.
Just a world of empty green.
We spread out over the hillside.
And just in case my eyes can’t see, my little box is searching. It’s only bluish right now, but soon, I’ll see red. Little red blurs caught in a constricting trap.
We’ll find them. We always do.
Then my box will show blazing red and my eyes will see nothing but white.
---
For You
We found you, of course.
We always do.
Your pasty grey hands reach out, desperate.
Begging for life.
Don’t you know you’re already cursed?
But, no. You’re fortunate.
How I loathe those who saved me.
Who stole me, branded me worthy.
Sewed my skin to this green, green world.
Who seared my flesh so I could never be free.
They’ve beat me, they’ve won.
Don’t let them beat you too.
So as they hand me this torch, trust me.
As they douse you, don’t scream.
You’ll be free now, I promise.
I’ll do this, yes.
I’ll do this for you
---
An Oftentimes Fool
If there was grass anymore it would be soft here.
If there was a sun anymore it would be golden silk on the horizon.
If there was life anymore there would be fireflies dancing like tiny fallen stars.
So many days wasted banking on the empty promise of tomorrow.
Oftentimes I would let the day die and the moon rise unnoticed as I toiled at something unimportant.
“Not today, brother”, I’d say. Maybe tomorrow, next weekend, another day.
Well, tomorrow’s come, and where are you?
Dead.
And the follies of the good old days are a knife inside my chest.
---
Lost
Hold up the compass and watch it spin
East to West and back again
Tell them once more that we can’t win
We’re lost, oh foolish children of men
Tonight we huddle underground
Hiding ourselves in this self dug grave
Hoping and praying we won’t be found
But we will, it takes my all to keep us brave
Only a dozen of them have survived
Two soldiers cannot save them all
And now the faceless have arrived
To burn the ground and make us fall
And in my stomach is this burning dread
---
The Last Bullet
Bullets spew like locusts.
I duck to reload.
Dead slump down behind me.
I shoot everything I’ve got, save one last bullet meant for me.
“God save us.”
Silence falls.
It’s time.
I put the gun against my head.
But screams of desperation come shrieking through the dark.
Who’s their victim this time?
My friend, my comrade, the last of my platoon.
They’ve doused him, he’s soaking, and the torch is coming closer.
He struggles, but he’s tied.
I cannot watch him burn.
So I do the best thing I can think of
---
I Found You
I’m running. Running hard.
Every moment I expect a bullet in my back
I need a weapon
I need water
Every breath is a cloud of ash inside my mouth.
There’s a body on the ground
large green eyes flickering out
He has a weapon. I take it
Keep running.
Now another, a faceless runs toward me.
I lift the gun, I’ll kill him here and now.
The bullet flies, it strikes, he falls.
But as I pass I see his mask is off
His face is scared, and some of it’s gone.
But I’d know it anywhere.
My brother.
---
Good Bye
“I’m sorry,” I whisper as I kneel beside his body.
My hands are sticky wet as I tear the radiation suit. Searching for his wound.
But his back arches. Mouth screams.
He’s been melted. Flesh joined to shimmery fabric.
He’s been butchered. Face swollen, mutated, blistered.
I can hardly bear to look.
“I’m sorry.”
“No, it’s better this way. It’s over.”
But I’m choking as I watch him.
Eyes flutter closed.
Chest ceases moving.
Please, it can’t end like this.
I’ve got you brother
I’ve found you now
and I’ll hold you forever till they come to take me too.
---
Don't Touch Me
Bullets cascade around me, explosions echo, dirt flies into my face
But I’ve got him, my brother
My arms are clinging tight
I see beyond his bloody face, soldiers in grey camo
running toward me, shooting faceless as they come
But then their hands are on my back, pulling me away. “He’s already dead, soldier, let’s go!”
But I’m screaming, thrashing, “Don’t touch me!”
“It’s okay, I’ve got you, buddy,” one shouts into my ear.
They pry me away.
I’m weeping. Like a baby.
“Let me go!”
They hold tight.
They hold tight.
But my brother, don’t fear.
---
Luckless
This scorching heat never ends.
Blisters on our skin.
Rashes on our faces.
We’re riding in some roofless bus.
Bouncing over a world of char.
It’s dead. Never to live again.
My platoon burned. Turned to ash before my eyes.
My brother. I couldn’t save him.
I failed.
So why am I still here?
No reason really.
Some luckless fate.
I grab a pistol. Point it at the medic’s head.
And in an instant, all the guns are trained on me
That’s right.
Let’s end this.
Shoot me friends.
Why tarry? Why carry on?
For me this world is
cold.
---
Somewhere in the Grey
I’m breathing hard, eyes closed, waiting for the bullet.
My gun still hovers beside my comrade’s head.
And a busload of soldiers, with curses and disbelieving shouts are drowning each other out.
I don’t listen.
But suddenly, a crackle and a voice that’s different:
“Command, this is Delta106, we have affirmative on objective. We’ve breached the perimeter.”
We’re frozen. Staring at the radio.
Because there’s some forgotten sound behind his voice. Like music.
It’s birdsong.
Is this real?
I drop my gun.
Maybe there is sunlight on our horizon.
---
One of Us
Fifty grey soldiers. Our general in front. Hundreds of others listening over radio.
“It’s true. We’ve found it. A place without the faceless. ”
Applause.
“But eighty men died getting there. Twice as many will die if we try again. The enemy units must be annihilated… there’s only one way to this effectively.”
Murmurings.
“One of us won’t be coming back.”
Silence.
But someone has to go.
My brother’s dead. I killed him.
My friends have burned. I watched them.
What’s left for me?
I step forward.
Lift my hand.
Am I certain?
Am I sure?
“I’ll go,” I whisper.
---
Fool's Errand
I’m dressed in my enemy’s uniform. Trying not to think about how long it took to peel the dead man’s flesh from this radiation suit. Or about how green will be the last I ever see.
Am I a fool?
Absolutely.
But this whole life has been a fool’s game without ever an end in sight.
Until now.
And damn if I don’t do my all to keep it.
But there’s one thing I can’t get out of my head, something digging deeper.
Just one bomb. One sacrificed life. Then everyone’s free.
It all just seems a little too…
simple.
---
I Don't Understand
Here in the darkness under an enemy roof
With death strapped to my chest beneath this uniform
Surrounded by a hundred perfect copies of me
Same green eyes, same radiation suit
Same kind of man with a past just like mine.
What turned you into murderers?
Was it when you were stolen from the fire?
or back when the sky first burned and the law burned with it?
or when they melted you and turned you into captives?
Is that why you hunt us?
Or is it for the very same reason that I’ve come here to kill you tonight.
---
Promised Land
Here in the darkness under an enemy roof
I close my eyes and shudder
I’ve seen the truth exposed.
Didn’t they promise a haven? Refuge beyond the perimeter?
Isn’t that why I came here, with this ticking weight strapped to my chest?
But where is the sun?
the green grass?
this land of milk and honey?
I see through slatted windows a wasteland stretching on and on forever.
Clear skies and birdsong vanish in the dust.
It’s the death of the sun.
Their last deception.
No more false assumptions
I do this, I die, and it ends.
Just like that.
---
The Last Lullaby
There’s a crackle in my ear and radio silence is broken.
I hear them, the voices of the last remaining children.
And they’re singing a lullaby.
For me.
Haunting. Desperate. They’re praying for salvation. Singing me to sleep.
They think I’m saving them,
that when the ash settles they’ll be safe.
Lies.
I feel the trigger beneath my thumb.
Even if there’s no promised land, I’ll blow this place tonight.
Sunsets, green fields,
moths in the evening breeze,
the smile on my brother’s face,
they’re nothing but memories.
And it’s finally time to forget.
It’s better this way.
It’s over.
---
Crimson Red
To the ends of the earth
Till the last man is dead
Till our heroes are buried
And our skies crimson red
We will raise our last flag
We will fight one more day
We’ll endure every fire
Till we’re lost in the grey
Alone you have wandered
Lost in the gale
Fought through each battle
Though you knew you were frail
You’ve now come to save us
But the cost is high
Taken the last boat
Where the river is dry
I’ll sing you to sleep now
Lay down your gun
sleep now my hero
Your struggle is done
---
